Having Difficult Conversations
- Having Difficult Conversations Sean Leary 14:49
When to begin the conversation
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For most families, parents will be in their 70’s, adult children in midlife
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During the holidays or other special occasions
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Start early, don’t wait for the crisis, decisions made under pressure can be difficult
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Special note to those with no children/petition a trusted family member (niece, nephew)
Beginning the conversation
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Thinking about the future of growing “old” when we are healthy is a good way to start
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Don’t liming the conversation to just health, discuss all aspects, finances, our wishes for ourselves, end of life decisions….keep these conversations ongoing
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Complexities as we get older, prone to scams, families living further apart, etc…
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Resistance to asking for help, normal…
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Readiness, lack of models, facing an unwelcome life stage
Purposeful conversations: Between parents and adult children can be challenging, but equally important. Family meetings can help develop common goals and create a plan that guides decision making. Here are some suggestions on how to get the conversation started.
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Parents (aging) take the lead
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Parents (aging) can consider this a partnership with the adult child
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Adult children can express their feelings, ask questions, what can adult children offer with their skills and areas of interest.
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Discussions need to include finances, housing needs, health, end of life wishes
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Consider taking “meeting minutes” then distribute to the involved parties
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Long distance communications made easy now with zoom/skype meeting
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Goal is to develop a plan to convey wishes….update as circumstances change
Why is this so hard?
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Financial affairs are a private matter,
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Family dynamics, not first marriage, blended families
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Facing increased medical expenses
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Death expenses are very costly, $10K plus, people don’t want to discuss death
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Wills/Estate plans can be complex
