Time Travelers Reveal This Year’s Super Bowl Winner, And It’s…
About half a football field’s throw ago, I wrote a column about an alleged time traveler from the year 2485.
I wrote it as a joke, of course, because I can only take time travel so seriously. As a concept, I find it fascinating, as I find all esoteric science and the ilk fascinating, and of course time travel has been proven theoretically possible, so I don’t completely discount it out of hand.
However, I also use a generous serving of salt grains when reading about alleged time travelers. And I add limes and tequila.
There are plenty of time travelers on TikTok, the social media platform that’s usually dominated by girls in bikinis dancing, people doing stunts that look like they probably really really hurt, and various other goofy and funny videos. And of course there are plenty of time travelers picking the winner of today’s Super Bowl, as if making a 50/50 bet is an incredible leap.
Tell me the final score and some of the highlights before the game, and I’ll be convinced. Say that the Bucs are going to win and, well, meh.
Before I reveal the consensus of the Super Bowl winner, according to five different time travelers on TikTok — and the funny thing is, there is no unanimous consensus, three say one team and two say the other, so… different timelines? (And also, let’s not forget this “time traveler” that picked the Minnesota Vikings to win) — let’s look at a brief history of the most famous of time travelers, one who actually MIGHT be real.
Probably the most famous person was John Titor, who came to prominence back in the ’90s and ’00s.
Back in those days, one of the most famous radio shows in the country was the Coast To Coast AM Show, hosted by Art Bell.
I used to work the night shift at the newspapers, and so every evening between midnight and 5 a.m. I would listen to Art, who was a fantastic character broadcasting from the middle of the Nevada desert. (Side note: On a cross-country drive, I decided to try to find Art’s studio in Parumph, Nevada, and it really IS in the middle of freakin’ nowhere.) Bell would host shows about UFOs and ghosts and werewolves and, of course, time travelers, which were one of his favorite topics.
John Titor’s alleged time travel device. Also makes toast and can chop onions like a charm!
In fact, Bell was so into the whole time travel idea that he would, from time to time (pun intended) open up a phone line specifically for time travelers.
During many Bell shows, he dove into the stories of a mysterious character claiming his name was John Titor, which was actually a name thought to be short for “John TimeTraveler” that was used on several bulletin boards during 2000 and 2001 by a poster claiming to be an American military time traveler from 2036.
Titor made several incredible claims, including that he was here to help save the world from the Y2K bug, and that he was here to warn us
about several calamities, including a nuclear war, mass famines, and Nickelback.
Of course, none of them came true (other than Nickelback), and evidence was later discovered that the whole Titor thing was probably an elaborate hoax. Probably by the manager of Nickelback.
But, honestly, who cares?
They’re not really hurting anyone, other than people goofy enough to go overboard in taking them seriously (and let’s face it, if you’re taking a time traveler on TikTok seriously, you probably have far bigger issues to deal with) and at least the person is entertaining.
Now, before I reveal the Super Bowl pick of three of the five time travelers I surveyed on TikTok, let me say that I am not a financial advisor, nor am I a bookie or anyone recommending you put money on this pick, or anything else that might get people all pissed off at me. This is purely for entertainment purposes. Kind of like most of the halftime shows.
And like many of the post-game shows.
Which, according to three out of five time travelers, will be talking about the Chiefs winning their second consecutive Super Bowl.
Have fun, be safe, and have a great Sunday!
