Time Traveler From 2487 Predicts Alien Invasion, Natural Disasters In 2023
They’re baaaaaack.
That’s right, the time travelers of TikTok have returned, with more predictions about the future that will probably turn out to be B.S., but are goofy and interesting to read about anyway.
The TikTok time travelers are always from different years in the future, but the one thing they have in common is that they believe making TikTok videos is the best way to communicate with the people of our time. Apparently they consider the key decision-makers of our time to be teenagers and people in their early twenties, and middle-aged goofballs like me who are still amused by TikTok.
Anyway, as I’ve previously reported many times, they always come up with some funky predictions that rarely, if ever, come true.
One of them predicted that an alien race called the Nirons was going to get in contact with us late last year. Well, that didn’t happen, unless the aliens used some sort of secret means of communication. (They should’ve used TikTok like the time travelers!)
Another time traveler predicted that Trump was going to win in 2020. Well, Trump and some of his followers think he did, so maybe that time traveler was a descendant of a MAGA fan? But, in this reality, that would be an incorrect prediction.
Yet another time traveler predicted the Philadelphia Eagles were going to win the Super Bowl this year. Swing and miss there, too. (Also a swing and a miss for the folks who were claiming that the Super Bowl was scripted and the Eagles were going to win 37-34.)
However, ONE time traveler calling themselves ChickenzillaTimeTraveler WAS right about the return of this musical legend last year.
THIS latest time traveler though has the advantage of not having been proven wrong yet. Because they’re posting on a new account. This one is called radianttimetraveler. I mean, c’mon people, if you want a time traveler, you don’t want one that’s dull and non-light-emitting. You want a radiant one!
So, what does radiant time traveler predict?
Well, first off, they insist that they are a real time traveler and that these are the worst natural disasters that will take place in 2023.
The disasters start about a month from now, on April 20, as a 17 mile wide tornado is going to rip straight through Tulsa, Oklahoma, and destroy almost the entire city. The only part of the city remaining? Vape stores.
On May 15, there’s going to be a megatsunami!
That’s right, on that day, a 750 foot megatsunami is going to destroy much of the United States West Coast, primarily San Francisco. Because even Poseidon can’t stand the 49ers.
On June 12, a magnitude 9.5 earthquake will roar across Asia with the fury of Godzilla after a bad sake bender. Known as “The Big One,” it will open a five-mile-deep trench, releasing many beings thought to be extinct. Like the guy who did “Gangham Style.”
Not to be outdone, the atmosphere will step up to the plate next, with a category 6 hurricane on September 4. This big one, Hurricane Ophelia, will hit Florida and run across the whole U.S. East Coast. Until it finally exhausts itself and is stopped in Vermont by Ben and Jerry, who use it to chill and create a new ice cream, “Hurricone I Feelie Ya,” a blend of Old Style beer, cigars, pool cue dust, and mustache trimmings from Tom Selleck. Why that mixture? Well, isn’t it about damn time for it? It’s 2023, people.
To round out the year, on December 19 we’ll see the first electric hail across the world, a new kind of storm which features lightning mixing with hail, creating hail which shocks anything it touches. It’ll be a terrible tragedy which will only be marginally offset by the fact that it will inspire a sequel to this, which is something that time travelers from across the universe have all been waiting for.
