Relive Those Awesome Days Of Trash TV With The Sean Leary Fun-O-Rama Talk Show Game
What has happened to daytime TV?
At one point, it was a wild, wild, west of trash TV shows.
However, with all the moral majority whiners returning to gripe about the sinful rot of television, every week a new daytime chatter is getting the short straw. Politicians and pundits are pounding away at the “cultural abomination” oozing about daytime TV. Advertisers are starting to drop shows, and viewers are beginning to cool to such meaty topics as “Hermaphrodites who have slept with their sisters’ husbands and the meth-addicted white trash who love them.”
It seems like sleazy daytime talk fare is headed the way of break dancing. But don’t get hyped; wipe that sweat from your brow and step back from that fourth-story window. All is not lost.
With the Sean Leary Fun-O-Rama! Talk-Show Game, you, too, can bake up ribald talk-show fun without ever having to worry about Ted Cruz pulling the plug. Unless, of course, you’re Mrs. Cruz or one of his kids. In that case, you’re up the creek.
It’s easy — just take one or more items from Column A and then fill in the blanks, selecting one line from each of the remaining categories to give birth to a scummy talk show all your own!
Column A
Women
Men
Teens
Mistresses
Three-legged freaks
Dwarfs
Clergymen
Eskimo hairdressers
Missy Thangs
Spotted owls
Hooties
who . . .
cheat on their spouses
deal drugs to preschoolers
love Sunny Delight just a little too much
wear Mr. Peanut costumes
pick their noses with pen tips
think they’re spiritually channeling for Col. Sanders
have crushes on Wilford Brimley
are in love with big, blond yum-yums
only wanna be with you!
are nocturnal carnivores
replace people’s regular coffee with Folger’s crystals
teach little kids how to say “pimpmobile”
and the . . .
men
women
ice cream men with “Born to Scoop . . . and Die!” tattoos
strippers in cheerleader outfits
ninja warriors
Abe Vigoda look-alikes
sweatsock hand puppets
Blowfish
grubs, mice and wood-dwelling insects
orgasm addicts
sasquatches
lemony-fresh scented aliens
that . . .
love them.
have given them AIDS.
knocked them up.
make them take the Old Spice deodorant challenge.
throw them fish.
wake them up to make the donuts.
sing Whitney Houston songs to them tearfully.
they feast upon with relish.
worship Dinty Moore.
worship Demi Moore.
make morons of themselves in McDonald’s commercials.
are fresh and full of life.
Hosted by . . .
Oprah
Geraldo
Maury
the Swedish bikini team
the Swedish super-group ABBA
a leather-clad Jennifer Aniston
Dinty Moore
Cindy Crawford
millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne
Bat Boy
and featuring . . .
incisive commentary from psychological experts
flaccid self-help tidbits from drippy authors
two-bit opinions shrieked by grotesque ignoramuses
a clambake
a special guest appearance by “Cheers’ ” Ted Danson
the raunchy comedic stylings of Redd Foxx
a blistering, eardrum-bludgeoning guitar solo
stories from Kathie Lee Gifford about uncovering her son’s hidden stash of Playboys
a chair-throwing contest
1,000 of the world’s most beautiful hula dancers!
the sharpest vision among those in the bird kingdom
the world’s only living unicorn . . . that looks just like a goat wearing a party hat!
stage-diving tips from Debbie Gibson
and culminating in . . .
a bloody fistfight.
burning Martha Stewart at the stake while wiping muddy shoes on her rug.
screaming bouts with audience members.
a group hug.
a telegram from Sam Wainwright promising George Bailey $10,000.
Geraldo’s nose getting broken.
“Mickey” sing-alongs with Toni Basil.
a county-wide glue-sniffing competition.
the thumbs-up Mentos salute.
games of strip Yahtzee.
bathing in plenty of cool, smooth Colt .45.
daylight torpor broken at dusk to prey.
