Grammy-Winning Artist’s Disgusting Song Should Definitely Be Cancelled
This week, I took some time off from my job and household obligations to sequester myself in an ashram to fully focus my rage on a Grammy-winning song of such wanton lust, indulgence and disgusting perversity that I couldn’t even.
That’s right. I couldn’t even.
And they haven’t even created a drug for that yet. But I hear there are a number of Hollywood celebrities that are going to be doing a zoom cover of, no, not “Imagine,” but “You’ve Got The Touch,” to raise awareness and sympathy for those who can’t even.
Anyway, I digress with that important information.
Once I got over not being able to even, I managed to harness my rage over this disgraceful and morally depraved song, and started posting online that the artist behind this Grammy debacle should be cancelled. Pronto.
I’m happy to note that Candace Owens, Tucker Carlson, Tipper Gore, and Joel Osteen all retweeted my opinions, and agree with me 100 percent. This song and its artist are pushing this smut to kids and they must be stopped. And we, and others like us with nothing better to do, are the ones to stop them.
Of course, I’m talking about the Grammy-winning song “Eat It,” by Weird Al Yankovic.
Now, you might be saying, “But Sean, that parody of Michael Jackson’s ‘Beat It’ came out in 1984, and won the Grammy the same year, after becoming the biggest hit for Weird Al up to that point, and spawning an award-winning video which launched him to mega-stardom and positioned him as the top-selling music parody artist of all time!”
The American single version for “Eat It.” Note demonic red, and Illuminati black, white and red colors.
And I would reply, “Thank you for that expository sentence that lets people know who the hell I’m talking about if they’re completely out of the loop, or are members of Gen Z who don’t know who the hell Weird Al Yankovic is.”
I would also reply that cancellation and moralistic posturing knows no expiration date. If someone once did something that offended someone at some point, no matter when it was, it’s open game.
Then, after that reply, I would get back to my outrage.
That outrage is centered around the fact that Weird Al’s “Eat It” is nothing more than a lewd, lascivious fandango glorifying that most debauched of all the seven deadly sins, gluttony. It celebrates unhealthy overeating and influences young people into a world of obesity and potential pre-diabetes, and its video is nothing more than what you might see in a strip club with an all-you-can-eat buffet. Which is an extremely insensitive thing, because there are hard-working strippers there who are trying to make money, and not only does that buffet take away from
The British cover version of Weird Al’s Eat It. What, the American version wasn’t good enough for you damn tea drinkers? Christ. USA! USA! USA!
their potential earnings, it makes them smell like steamed eggs and ham, and they do not like that, Sam I am.
Weird Al’s wanton tune talks about wet ass vegetables, stopping and dropping into a seat for an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dinner, and chants and glorifies the fact that there are s’mores in this house, there’s some s’mores in this house.
Seriously, this is the kind of thing that can not only corrupt an entire generation, or several, since it happened in 1984, but bring down an entire country. And really, folks, has the U.S. been the same since 1984? Think about it. The wealth gap has grown completely out of control. The cost of living has spiraled upward while wages have stagnated. The U.S. has endured several presidencies which have been marked by lies, scandal, and controversy. We’ve pretty much been in a never-ending series of wars since then. There was 9/11, and economic crashes after every Republican presidency, and a freakin’ pandemic for cryin’ out loud! And when’s the last time Christopher Cross had a hit? Not after 1984 he didn’t! Jesus Christ, whatever happened to that guy???
I blame all that on Weird Al and his satanic, and Grammy-winning, “Eat It.”
So I ask you all, to please join me, and Candace, and Tucker, and the rest of the Fox News crew, in uniting against this incredibly important national scandal which threatens to rock the United States to its core. We’ll be doing a bus tour around this country to raise awareness for the cause, and rally proud Americans against this outrageous attack on our staunch morality and pure way of life.
Our bus will be coming to your town soon. It’ll be easy to find.
It’s the bus that’ll be blasting “WAP” on a continuous loop from the radio.
