Forget Dylan Mulvaney And Bud Light, THESE Are Some Of The Worst Ideas In Pop Culture
The controversy continues over Dylan Mulvaney and her Bud Light can, and goobers like Kid Rock who are buying the beer just so they can shoot their crossbows at it or whatever on dumb TikTok videos.
Bud Light’s executives issued a somewhat apology about the whole thing this week, but, as I said in my previous column, the whole thing was a dumb idea from the start. Even if Dylan Mulvaney weren’t a trans woman, her style and audience is pretty far from the down-the-middle crowd that actually drinks Bud Light. No woman who dresses like Audrey Hepburn and stars in Broadway shows is going to be quaffing a beer most often served in a plastic cup that habitually shows up at dollar beer nights.
But then again, is this the worst idea in entertainment and pop culture ever? I don’t know.
Some ideas in entertainment are no-brainers — sure-fire successes.
A show based on Boba Fett is a good example. Casting the heavily-accented, very large and menacing Arnold Schwarzennegger as a killer robot in “The Terminator” is another. Megan Thee Stallion teaming up with Cardi B? Also a slam dunk.
But then there are the head-scratchers. The bad, bad ideas. William Shatner’s singing career. Madonna’s acting career. And the ever-popular Fashion Cafe, a restaurant backed by supermodels better known for vomiting up food than eating it.
However those aren’t the only bad ideas you’ll find in the entertainment world. No, there are so, so many more.
In fact, here are a few that I’ve uncovered that just didn’t seem to catch on — and with little wonder. Read ’em and weep:
“Jerry Springer’s `Sweatin’ for the Scumbags”’: A hot new workout tape from the maestro of trash TV that helps people lose weight by using techniques perfected by the human sludge that populates “The Jerry Springer Show.” It includes such aerobic maneuvers as the chair toss, the “You don’t talk to ME that way!” waving arm with pointed finger, the “Yeah, I knocked both of ’em up, so?” shoulder shrug and the “security guard may have my arms secured but I’m still gonna kick yo’ butt” leg kick. Act now and you’ll get the additional CD “Music to Run From Cops To,” featuring the finest tunes to accompany that weekly jog to escape from incarceration.
“Beer Nuts for the Soul”: In the tradition of the “Chicken Soup” series, “Beer Nuts” offers touching, inspirational tales of seedy tavern life and the people who populate it. The big bouncer who survived knife attacks by drinking a whole bottle of tequila. The bartender who offered to call a cab for the loutish bore who had had too much to drink, rather than just continuing to keep those mistakenly placed $20 tips. The girl who actually gave her real phone number to a guy. The guy who didn’t ignore the girl he had scored with in his Camaro the night before. All of those and more are included in this volume that will bring a tear to your eye — and not just because a whiskey haze has gotten you remembering the ex-lover who done you wrong.
“The Third Baseman in the Wheat”: The sequel to the classic Catcher in the Rye, written by the scribes of Hallmark romantic comedies. Phoebe, who is now a successful Sierra Club president in the big city, and her cute-yet-unlucky-with-men roommate, Carrie Contrived, are picking up Phoebe’s brother, Holden, from the mental institution to take him back to their small town to live with the parents. But what should happen as soon as they get there? Phoebe’s old boyfriend, Naskar, who wears a lot of flannel, doesn’t shave, and cultivates a small baseball field on his grandparents’ old farm, steps into the picture, to try to sway her away from her successful life and six-figure earning boyfriend with a life of simplicity, shoelessness, and pregnancy. What will she do??? Will Holden suddenly create a crisis in the third act to bring them together??? And will Carrie Contrived end up finding love, or at least gonorrhea, with Naskar’s best friend, KidRock? You’ll have to drink three bottles of wine and tune in to find out.
“My First Alien Abduction Book of Children’s Stories”: Forget those gentle tales of kind puppies and engines that could. Instead, prepare your child for the real world of conspiracy theories and alien abductions with this illuminating publication. Includes delightful tales of wicked gray men who come in through little kids’ windows at night, hide under your bed if your parents come into the room and turn the light on, turn invisible if your parents look under the bed, and then abduct children to subject them to painful probes. They’re just the kind of stories to get the kids to sleep soundly. Comes with night light.
“Ozzy Osbourne’s Bumper stickers for Satanists”: Anticipating the real-life reenactment of the Bible’s Book of Revelations, and the kook plantation that would likely crop up thinking they had sired “the Beast,” Ozzy’s company had the following bumper sticker printed up: “My wicked son, bearing the number of the beast, 666, emblazoned across his forehead, who shall smite the good with plagues, pestilence and the torture of eternal flame, is an honors student at Hellhaven High School.”’ That got the fireball rolling. Other stickers included “Honk if You Love Eternal Damnation,” “WWSD: What Would Satan Do?” and “Demon-Spawn on Board.”
They didn’t sell very well.
Except among Kid Rock fans.
They bought them so they could shoot them up with crossbows in TikTok videos.
