Are Celebrities Mind-Controlled Zombies?
The Royal Family!
Taylor dating Jen’s ex!
Kanye West says something stupid!
Ever notice that the more heinous things get regarding the economy, wars, presidential scandals, etc., the more intensely the media ignores the real news to concentrate on either celebrity scandals or deviant crimes?
Sometimes I wonder if there’s a grand conspiracy regarding celebrities as well.
What if celebrities are nothing but programmed Manchurian candidates, Stepford performers, who are hypnotized and controlled by secret government handlers who then program them to do silly crap to distract the masses every time such a distraction is needed?
The bigger the mess people need to be distracted from, the bigger the celebrity distraction pulled out of their butts. For example, with the economy going to crap, everyone losing their jobs and/or homes, a 
HUGE distraction was needed.
Paging Cardi B!
“Time for Operation Elvis, my friend. Are you ready to go into hiding somewhere in Brazil? Yes, we’ll give you a satellite feed so you can watch your own funeral. No, the fake death will be painless. Just take the pills and you’ll fall asleep, the docs won’t know any better, and once you’re pronounced, we’ll switch out the body double for the autopsy. Sure, you can bring your shoe closet in its entirety….ok…ok…we’ll be in touch…”
“Whew.”
“What if that doesn’t work, boss?”
“Well, we can always find a cute, blonde teenager to put in a reality show, can’t we?”
Maybe I’m just being cynical here. Very, very, very cynical. And maybe it’s just my sci-fi imagination running away with me.
But if this isn’t true, at times it’s extremely coincidental. It seems as if the people in control are constantly selling us an illusion, a distraction, to keep people’s minds off of all the bigger things going on, and while doing so, to sell us their products.
And if it isn’t true, it’ll still make for a great sci-fi story.
Or a very short column.
